being human

As I drove home tonight, I got angry again about a situation at work - I keep trying to let it go but am only partly successful.
Got out my salad for dinner, still angry. I realized halfway through that I was just shoveling it in, barely tasting it because I was still so angry. Been paying a little more attention lately to the way I eat, trying to bring awareness to how I feel - what emotions am I feeling? How does my body feel? I have brief moments of mindfulness, but I'm impatient - I want to be more mindful now! I have to laugh at myself over this contradiction. Mindfulness is about slowing down and noticing, not speeding up and zooming past to the next thing.

Slowing down

Got a cold this week and I'm glad for the break from work. I slow down and notice. My mind stops, too befogged to keep up the usual interior chatter.

I listen to the silence, broken by the hum of the refrigerator, the click of the thermostat telling the furnace to kick on, watch the cat as he moves from place to place around the house, first the windowsill, then his catnip scented sleeping mat, then a patch of sun. I notice a grubby feeling, easily solved by a hot shower and fresh clothes. I wash dishes by hand after they've soaked in my big old fashioned sink. I pick up bits of detritus from the rug and leave the TV off.

Seems like my body got my attention!